Updated: Feb 19
Mum-guilt is inevitable and it affects 90% of mothers, but fortunately there are ways for managing guilt in motherhood.
What is Mum Guilt?
Mum Guilt is the feeling that you are not enough and the fear that what you are doing can have bad consequences on your children.
We carry the guilt with and it keeps burdening our conscience.
In mothers, the feeling of guilt expresses itself in our constant feeling that we are not ‘the good enough mother’. It can starts from the moment we become a mother and start questioning everything we do.
Ways of Managing Guilt in Mothers:
The good thing about some of our insecurities is that they can be turned into strengths. It takes us some time to realise that. There are some ways of managing guilt. Let us take a look.
Accept your guilt:
Managing guilt is about learning, accepting and changing.
· To learn what mum guilt is and that there are ways to deal with it.
· To accept that it is inevitable, but you can manage it
· To change the things that trigger your guilt.
Recognising the Imperfections:
No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. The key is to accept your mistakes, fix them to the best of your ability and then let it go. Forget it and forgive yourself for making it.
When you are blaming and lashing out on yourself, you lower your self-esteem and lose your self-confidence. Not all emotions and feelings of guilt are rational and purposeful.
Ask yourself questions:
Whether this feeling is just an emotional situational response?
How can I deal with these emotions?
Your answers and self-awareness of your response to your questions will guide you.
Look at the Bigger Picture:
Mistakes are a part of being human. Sometimes we even fail to live up to our own expectations and standards. We do things that we feel are wrong. For example;
The moments when you shouted at your child in frustration and realised you hurt your child’s feelings unintentionally.
The day you were not up for another bedtime story, and later thought how you made your child sad.
The day you started working and blamed yourself for not being there for your child.
Accept your situation. Accept your guilt. And understand that things like this will not affect your child. They too are learning, and you are doing a great job in making sure of that. Now think of ways you can balance work and life. Understand that it will not solve the situation entirely.
You will still be tired on some days, frustrated with others, but know that you love them. And that’s all that matters.
Don’t Wallow in Self-Guilt, You Can Make Changes:
Try to move forward in life instead of punishing yourself.
If working and leaving your child seems too much, you can always find unique ways to work from home. Don’t beat yourself for taking a little ‘me time.’ A ‘me time’ can actually help you in bringing some balance in your life.
Take drastic measures to help yourself in the areas you can. Take professional help in the areas where you believe you need help. Don’t underestimate the power of good therapy or good coaching. If words can hurt us, words can heal us.
Managing guilt is important for bringing a balance in your life. Practice acceptance and self-compassion. Do not isolate yourself and engage with people who understand you. There are also psychological services and behavioural therapies to help you manage unhealthy guilt. Be vocal about your success in managing guilt, this will help others.
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